How to Rent a Negro
By Damali Ayo
Lawrence Hill Books. $14.95.
'So we are all black people, so-called Negroes, second-classcitizens, ex-slaves," Malcolm X famously reminded a Detroit audiencein 1963. "You are ex-slaves. You didn't come here on the Mayflower.You came here on a slave ship -- in chains, like a horse, or a cow,or a chicken." In equating the United States' treatment of slaveswith the handling of livestock (and mixing his metaphors: How oftenhas anyone seen a chicken in chains?), Malcolm's typically blunt"Message to the Grassroots" drove home the monstrous immorality atthe heart of American slavery: the refusal of the slaveholding classto regard their chattel as fellow human beings.
The nation's tremendous profit from its use of slaves -- a bountyfrom which slaves and their descendants were largely excluded -- haspoured salt in a wound that continues to fester. Nearly every ethnicgroup has been enslaved at some point in the course of human events,but America's descendants of slaves belong to the only group whosecenturies-long captivity, forced labor and post-emancipation lowest-caste status contributed directly and substantially to thedevelopment of the mightiest superpower of all time. The extent towhich that cruel practice and its resulting inequities still affectour society continues to be a source of thorough study and intensedebate. It also resonates throughout How to Rent a Negro, DamaliAyo's satiric take on modern American race relations.
Although "the purchase of African Americans was outlawed manyyears ago," Ayo writes, "black people are once again a valued andpopular commodity." In her view, they appeal especially to whites whorely on their relationships with blacks as evidence of their ownprogressive politics or simply to inject some sorely needed "cool"into their lives. She has in mind real-life versions of GeorgeCostanza, the "Seinfeld" sidekick who spent an entire episode insearch of a black person whom he could pass off as his friend.
Whites like George needn't despair that slavery is no longerlegal, Ayo suggests. "Those who want to utilize the service of anarticulate and well-mannered African American are easily classifiedas renters. Those who find themselves serving as certified AfricanAmericans for colleagues and friends are conveniently referred to asrentals." Her book is a tongue-in-cheek guide to completing such"transactions" with a minimum of fuss.
According to Ayo, her suggestions will help her fellow Americanshonor their country's "vibrant spirit of capitalism." The mercantileroots of racial relations on these shores are frequently touched onin African-American art. The results are often evocative anddramatic, as in "Bid 'Em In," Oscar Brown Jr.'s classic 1962 songabout a slave auction:
"I'm looking for four. And $400, she's a bargain for sure
Four is the bid, 450; five; $500 now look alive
Bid 'em in; get 'em in. Don't mind them tears, that's one of hertricks
Five-fifty's the bid, and who'll say six?"
Building on the work of Brown and other visionaries, thegeneration of artists to which Ayo belongs has begun to address notonly the commodification of black people but also the marketing ofblackness. (Ayo specifically acknowledges comedians Godfrey Cambridgeand Dick Gregory, who told Rent-A-Negro jokes during their 1960sperformances.) It's a shakier concept, to be sure, given the nearimpossibility of defining it. Still, Madison Avenue relentlesslypushes blackness as an all-purpose brand. "Buy what we're selling,"many commercials suggest, "and you, too, can possess a bit of thatelusive 'thing' so easily embodied by those colorful, sexy, sassy,rhythmic African Americans." In TV ads such as the one featuring ayoung white woman pop-locking (a decades-old urban dance stylepopularized by blacks) in the front seat of a Mitsubishi, advertiserssend up our preoccupations with blackness even as they sell it,preempting the irony and savage wit once considered the province ofartists.
Ayo challenges whites to bypass simulated blackness in favor ofthe real deal, available for only a few dollars more. "Most blackpeople are qualified to fill your need for an authentic blackpresence," she writes. "Many have a lifetime of experience in thefield." What's in it for blacks? Well, unlike the helpless woman onthe auction block in Oscar Brown's harrowing lyric, the modernAfrican American can finally profit from her labor. "You've beenvolunteering your services for years," ayo argues. "Why not startcharging fees? Would a dentist, teacher, or hairdresser give awayevery session for free? Of course not." According to ayo'sbiographical note (she prefers a lower-case spelling), she has been"a professional black person for more than 30 years." Her book is anoutgrowth of rent-a-negro.com, a Web site she launched in 2003. Itincludes a price guide to help novices get started. Fees forcorporate clients, for example, should begin at $350 per hour.Clients who want to touch their rental's hair should be prepared tofork over $25 each time (upped to a suggested $100 in the book). Drop-in appearances: $100 each. In a 2003 interview with the WashingtonPost, ayo said the site grew out of her years "being in all-whitesettings, fielding questions from people wanting to touch her hair,and playing the role of cultural ambassador."
Although her book may appeal most to members of the post-civil-rights class of black professionals who have endured similar trials,it is not likely to prove so fascinating to other African Americans,who likely have more pressing concerns. What's more, ayo risksoverestimating whites' willingness to be made fun of for 190-pluspages. That said, her repetitive style will challenge the attentionspans of even her most sympathetic readers. "Don't let your pride getin the way of your paycheck," she facetiously warns potentialrentals, before providing similar advice -- "Don't let your anger getin the way of a solid paycheck" -- a dozen pages later. Ayo'sapproach may remind some of Keith Townsend Obadike, an African-American artist who in 2001 attempted to auction his blackness oneBay. He set the opening bid at $10 and accompanied his posting witha list of virtues, among them:
"This Blackness may be used for making jokes about black peopleand/or laughing at black humor comfortably"; and "This Blackness maybe used for dating a black person without fear of public scrutiny."But he also included such caveats as "The Seller does not recommendthat this Blackness be used while shopping or writing a personalcheck" and "The Seller does not recommend that this Blackness be usedwhile voting in the United States or Florida."
Obadike planned to conduct the sale for 11 days, but eBay shutdown the project four days later after deciding it was"inappropriate." He received 12 bids, with the highest offer at$152.50. The project was daring, funny, innovative -- and lasted justlong enough to be effective. Which points to the major shortcoming ofHow to Rent a Negro: It is essentially a one-joke propositionstretched to book length. It works better as an Internet attraction.As a book it's a much harder sell.
It is also hampered by readers' awareness of Aaron McGruder, DaveChappelle and other artists who mine the same territory with moreconsistent results. The best of these may be ego trip, a five-mancombo whose riffs on race in books like ego trip's Big Book of Racism(2002) and on TV programs such as VH1's "Race-O-Rama" effectivelyskewer a range of American neuroses. Gabriel Alvarez, one of thegroup's members, told the New York Times that race "was the newpornography, the only thing in our culture that people are stilluncomfortable talking about." We can laugh about it, however; in somecases, all the way to the bank.
Jabari Asim is deputy editor of the Washington Post Book World,where this review first appeared.
BLACKNESS AS ACCESSORY
